I’ve had a long and arduous healing journey, exploring all manner of treatments. Here I share with you what I consider the three most important lessons I’ve learned about healing. Though I use examples from my own experience with chronic pain, I believe these lessons can be of value to anyone facing a health challenge.
Lesson 1: Everybody is Different
Circumstances resulting in fibromyalgia differ. (See post “The Most Important Video…). I’ve known people whose fibro was triggered my a car accident, by pregnancy and the flu. Mine just showed up.
Pain triggers also differ. Here’s an interesting example. I once had a colleague with fibro whose climate sensitivity was the exact opposite of mine: I was miserable in winter, while her pain flared all summer.
In terms of treatments, what works for one person doesn’t always work for another. (If it did, we’d all be cured, wouldn’t we?!) For example, I’ve know people for whom amitriptyline worked wonders. I’m allergic to it.
Bottom line: your journey is unique – both the tools and the timetable. It took me over a decade to get to a relatively positive place. I wasn’t able to embrace exercise until three years ago. I don’t know how long it will take me to finally master meditation. But every year I cope a little better.
Lesson 2: Let Go of the “Save Me” Mindset
I really started making progress when I stopped desperately wanting help and being resentful that I didn’t have it. It took losing almost everything before I put away my “help searchlight” and made peace with having the reigns firmly in my own hands.
This doesn’t mean that you can’t ask for help or have self-compassion. It’s okay to have an occasional pity-party. But living in a negative mindset of lack, defeat and resentment will get you nowhere.
So stop thumbing for rides, make peace with having to drive, and you might just end up enjoying the power of being in the driver’s seat.
But I must say that this was, by far, the hardest lesson to learn. I had to hit bottom to get there. I hope your road to empowerment is less painful.
Lesson 3: Happiness is the Best Medicine
I know it’s corny, but it’s true – with one cavaet. It’s impossible – and pretty illogical – to be happy when you’re in pain. The important thing is to emotionally feel just a little bit better.
An attitude of “I know there are times when the pain isn’t always this bad” is more helpful than, “This sucks!” And sometimes an attitude of “This sucks!” is better than downplaying the pain or putting on a smiling face for others.
Try cultivating a feeling of relief. Intentionally notice even the tiniest break in you pain. Then take a moment to relish in the feeling of relief. The cool thing is that relief is palpable. It’s the “Ahh!” sensation. When you physically feel your muscles relax just a bit. When you notice you’ve been holding your breath and take a deep one. In fact, go ahead and say “Ahh!” out loud! Develop a habit of noticing relief as well as pain.
Conclusion
To be sure, these lessons are not easy to learn or implement. It’s a process – and it’s not linear. Even now, during my worst pain flares it’s difficult to remember “This too shall pass.” I often post positive slogans all over my home. One of them is simply: “Remember Your Tools”.
There is no magic bullet. But there is hope. There is relief. You just gotta keep reaching for it.
